Nighttime Personalities Take Aim At Trump's Latest 'Gold Card' Residency Scheme

Late-night's leading comedians used their airtime criticizing former President Donald Trump's just announced immigration program, labeled the "Trump card," portraying it as a clear pay-to-play arrangement for the wealthy.

Colbert's Witty Spin

Starting his show, Stephen Colbert offered a mock Christmas tune about the president. "He is compiling a list, checking it twice, before handing that list to the people at ICE," he crooned. "Trump ... destroys each thing he touches."

The subject was the new initiative that allows foreign nationals to buy U.S. residence for an investment of a million dollars, with a "top-tier" option for five million. An official page guarantees processing "faster than ever."

"One thought here to affluent immigrants: prior to you pay, what about Canada?" Colbert joked.

He pointed out that the program is also designed to "get cash" from companies looking to hire foreign workers, involving hefty payments. "That is a lot of fees, though if you enroll, you additionally get free accommodation at a hotel of your choice – if it's the Tampa Marriott Bonvoy," he added.

"The most thorough screening the U.S. government has before done," said Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "that $15,000 vetting to verify these people absolutely qualify to be in America."

"That is important, you gotta prove you're qualified to be an American," Colbert said dryly. "The initial query: how many burgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Blistering Critique

On his own program, Jimmy Kimmel referred to the visa program the "U.S. Access Express Card."

"Here's a card that will permit wealthy foreigners to live here," he explained. "In exchange for a million dollars, you get legal resident status, you get a road to citizenship, and a presidential pardon for one major crime of your choosing."

"Perhaps it's time to change that poem on the Statue of Liberty – never mind your tired masses. Hand over a million bucks, you're in!" he remarked.

Kimmel lampooned the simplicity of the form, observing it is "tougher to start a Wordle account." He lamented that Trump "thinks citizenship is something you can sell, like a condo."

"That's right, the best people are the rich people," Kimmel quipped. "It's what Jesus always said! Read it in the Bible. He says it's easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle if you pay the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers discussing Grocery Concerns

Meanwhile, Seth Meyers turned to Trump's plunging approval ratings during financial anxiety. "The public gave Donald Trump a second term since they were mad about the economy," he noted.

Recently, in a effort to tackle affordability, Trump held a briefing in front of a display of grocery items, and reacted strangely to some cereal.

"Lovely packaging, I think I'm going to take a few of them with me to my home and have a lot of fun," Trump stated. "Like the Cheerios, I haven't had Cheerios in a while."

"He's so incredibly weird," Meyers said. "Like, you're going to take them home to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What are you gonna do with those Cheerios?"

Meyers concluded by targeting right-leaning news arguments of Trump's economic record. "Maybe rather than voicing concerns, you should give him a sparkling trophy similar to what FIFA did," he laughed.